timelymatters.com Blog

Should Parents Be Their Child’s Friend?

April 14th, 2009

I recently got into a fight with my daughter.  She made a mistake in signing up for college classes, and there were going to be some major consequences.  She was given bad advice by a counselor.  Granted, she had reason to be upset with this person, as was I. 

I let her rant and release some anger, but deep down, I was angry with my daughter, too, as this was not the first time it had happened.  After letting a day go by, I called her up, and told her that although the counselor had made a mistake, ultimately, she was responsible for making sure she took the correct course.  She needed to take responsibility for this error.

Of course, this was not what she wanted to hear.  But, I felt it important as a mother to get this message across to her.  Since it was her time and effort and our money, she should have checked through other sources (course listings, department chairs or teachers) which course was mandatory for her to move on in her major. 

If I were her friend, I would have whole heartedly supported her and called the counselor a moron or demanded that she be fired.   But, it is not my job to be my daughter’s friend and tell her what she wants to hear.  It is my job to mold her into a responsible woman who will not depend on the competency of others. 

 I may not have chosen the correct words or the right timing, and I may have caused some harm to our relationship, but I feel that my daughter has many, many friends;  she has only one mother.

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