My son came up to me with a distraught look in his face; he couldn’t find his new shoes. “I’ve looked everywhere and can’t find them!” he complained. Now, the good mom in me, the one that wants to solve all problems, almost stopped the activity I was engaged in and started to look for those lost shoes. But I have learned from experience, that as soon as I start looking for the lost article, my son stops looking. He tosses the lost item problem into my court and makes it my problem.
I stopped my first impusle, and I asked this question, “Where did you last have them?” I continued my work; he stood still, thought very hard, and he ran off. Next time I saw him, his new shoes were on his feet. He solved his own problem, which he should have; I got to finish my work. Next time, maybe he will be more responsible with his shoes. Next time he loses something, hopefully, he’ll take full responsibility for finding it.
Next bad parenting tip, Keeping the ball in their court: Homework.
August 25th, 2008
Randy Pausch passed away. It has really made me feel sad about the great loss to his family and the worldwide community. I watched his lecture and read his book. I did not see the professor in him, but the parent. He was leading by example; I admired his ability to set his childhood dreams and then fulfill them. I cry for the hopes that he had for his children to fulfill their dreams. Today, I am reflecting on if I’ve provided an environment for my kids so that they can live out their dreams.
I don’t know if I’m guilty of stifling my children in trying to prove that I’ve got “good” kids. Kids (especially teenagers) will do whacky and creative things; they are young enough not to be constricted by always thinking by the rules. But doing those things may mean they get in trouble, or worse, get hurt. The parent in me shuts down all activity that may be questionable.
Randy Pausch’s mom let him paint his room. There may have been other things she turned her head away from so that he could be creative. It is hard to find that fine line to walk behind being the responsible parent and one that encourages children to express themselves and their creativity. The ironic thing is that I think you will only figure out whether you have been successful at it when your influence as a parent is over.
August 5th, 2008
