Right now, there are nine 11-year olds out in our living room yelling over video games. This is our son’s last big blast before school starts tomorrow. We do this every year the day before school starts. My son arranges for his best buddies to meet at our house for lunch and play time. Then we would all march up to school when the postings were made for class assignments. Since he switches to a new middle school this year, all the kids already know to which classes they are assigned.
This has been a way for us to help our children get through their ”starting a new school year anxieties.” Connecting back with school friends after the summer months is something my son looks forward to and enjoys. That is mixed in with the anxiety of a new school, new teachers and a new system.
How do you help your child get over back to school anxiety?
August 19th, 2009
Now that summer is here, just thought I’d share a parenting that has really helped me: communicate with your child’s friends’ parents often and openly. My son is now 11 years old. He has a lot of free time on his hands as summer should be. I like him to be playing outdoors, meeting up with friends, and biking around the neighborhood. But there are conflicts that have come up because his friends have a bit more freedom than he has. For example, he is not allowed to cross over major boulevards or go to local stores. He is pretty much restricted to our neighborhood. Also, my son must notify me when he reaches a friend’s house so I always know where he is.
I have tackled the conflict in a couple of ways. First, my husband and I have sat our son down and explained our rules. We make them for his safety. If his friends want to do something that he is not allowed to do, he has to have the strength to say, “Sorry, I can’t do that.” And, he may be left out.
Second, I have talked with his very close friends’ moms, and I have explained my concerns. I’m sure some will agree and some won’t, but I think he will hopefully have a good friend that would hang with him if his other friends do an activity he is not allowed to do. I feel this team parenting really helps to keep parents connected and makes the rules more consistant for our children.
We are only in the second full week of summer, and I hope that we have tackled some of the issues and smoothed the way for a fun and safe summer.
June 26th, 2009
Mother’s Day was this past Sunday. My youngest had written a beautiful essay and done frameable string art. My daughter had flown in from Boston the night before and wished me a happy mother’s day in person. Morning was turning to afternoon, afternoon into evening, and I had not heard from my two older sons. Were they so busy with studying that they had forgotten about Mother’s Day? I was feeling a little disappointed, but then they called and said they were working on something, and I just needed to be patient. This is what they were working on: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9bj2ap-xUcU
I feel like the Luckiest Mom in the World! It is wonderful to be appreciated by your kids!
May 13th, 2009
I recently got into a fight with my daughter. She made a mistake in signing up for college classes, and there were going to be some major consequences. She was given bad advice by a counselor. Granted, she had reason to be upset with this person, as was I.
I let her rant and release some anger, but deep down, I was angry with my daughter, too, as this was not the first time it had happened. After letting a day go by, I called her up, and told her that although the counselor had made a mistake, ultimately, she was responsible for making sure she took the correct course. She needed to take responsibility for this error.
Of course, this was not what she wanted to hear. But, I felt it important as a mother to get this message across to her. Since it was her time and effort and our money, she should have checked through other sources (course listings, department chairs or teachers) which course was mandatory for her to move on in her major.
If I were her friend, I would have whole heartedly supported her and called the counselor a moron or demanded that she be fired. But, it is not my job to be my daughter’s friend and tell her what she wants to hear. It is my job to mold her into a responsible woman who will not depend on the competency of others.
I may not have chosen the correct words or the right timing, and I may have caused some harm to our relationship, but I feel that my daughter has many, many friends; she has only one mother.
April 14th, 2009
A homework tip from the “lazy mom” method:
Teachers always say be supportive of your child and the work they bring home from school. I provide a well-lit, quiet place; I make sure he has enough pens, pencils, dictionary, etc. But sometimes, my son will come to me and say, “I don’t get this!” with total frustration in his voice. My natural tendency is to sit down and try to work the problem and then explain it to him.
But, just like the lost item in the earlier post, as soon as I start to solve the problem, he will relax a bit. Now HIS homework becomes MY homework. So the first request I make of him when he asks me for help is, “Read the question to me.” or “Read the instructions to me.” 9 times of 10, after reading the question or instructions out loud, he will be able to answer the question himself. Most likely, he just didn’t read it carefully, and therefore, did not understand.
Whenever I see that my son tries to make his work MY work, I try to resist that first temptation to make it easy for him. It is through the struggle and process to understand that he will learn.
January 15th, 2009
My son came up to me with a distraught look in his face; he couldn’t find his new shoes. “I’ve looked everywhere and can’t find them!” he complained. Now, the good mom in me, the one that wants to solve all problems, almost stopped the activity I was engaged in and started to look for those lost shoes. But I have learned from experience, that as soon as I start looking for the lost article, my son stops looking. He tosses the lost item problem into my court and makes it my problem.
I stopped my first impusle, and I asked this question, “Where did you last have them?” I continued my work; he stood still, thought very hard, and he ran off. Next time I saw him, his new shoes were on his feet. He solved his own problem, which he should have; I got to finish my work. Next time, maybe he will be more responsible with his shoes. Next time he loses something, hopefully, he’ll take full responsibility for finding it.
Next bad parenting tip, Keeping the ball in their court: Homework.
August 25th, 2008
Randy Pausch passed away. It has really made me feel sad about the great loss to his family and the worldwide community. I watched his lecture and read his book. I did not see the professor in him, but the parent. He was leading by example; I admired his ability to set his childhood dreams and then fulfill them. I cry for the hopes that he had for his children to fulfill their dreams. Today, I am reflecting on if I’ve provided an environment for my kids so that they can live out their dreams.
I don’t know if I’m guilty of stifling my children in trying to prove that I’ve got “good” kids. Kids (especially teenagers) will do whacky and creative things; they are young enough not to be constricted by always thinking by the rules. But doing those things may mean they get in trouble, or worse, get hurt. The parent in me shuts down all activity that may be questionable.
Randy Pausch’s mom let him paint his room. There may have been other things she turned her head away from so that he could be creative. It is hard to find that fine line to walk behind being the responsible parent and one that encourages children to express themselves and their creativity. The ironic thing is that I think you will only figure out whether you have been successful at it when your influence as a parent is over.
August 5th, 2008
I’ve learned many things from my kids over the years. Here is a lesson I learned from my youngest son. When Kenji was about 3 years old, I read to him every night. Cat In The Hat, Go Dog Go, The Very Hungry Caterpillar….. He would pick the book and point to the page he wanted me to read. Very often, this became quite frustrating for me. At times, Kenji would stop me half way through a book and choose another book. He would skip pages and sometimes he would point to the right-hand page before the left-hand page, so I was reading the story backward.
As adults, we grow to be very goal-oriented, and to reach our goal we follow logical steps. I found that not being able to finish Cat In The Hat after starting was a bit unsettling. Reading stories backward and skipping pages made me anxious. I tried to plow ahead with the story, but he would block my moves.
Finally, I understood what was happening. Kenji was just having fun. He didn’t feel bound to read A,B, C…..Z. If he wanted to read A,B,S,K… he would do that. He was enjoying the moment, and did not even care if we finished the story. Sometimes, we adults would do well to just enjoy the journey, and not worry too much about the end.
kk
June 29th, 2008
I just got scammed this week. I lost one of my On Task On Time for Kids to a woman claiming to be a journalist writing an article about “Back-to-school Products.” As soon as I sent my sample, I was alerted on Mompreneursonline.com that this person was a fraud, and she “steals” from many mom-owned businesses asking for samples for a “photo shoot.” Of course there is no article; she just uses the products for her kids and home.
When it happened, I thought, “Well, I’m going to have to let it go and chalk it up to experience.” But after a day went by, I looked at it from a different point of view. We are all teachers and role models to our kids. Of all the jobs we hold in life, this is the biggest and most important. The messages on the Mompreneursonline community expressed so much concern for this con artist’s kids. What kind of role model was she? As an eight year old child, wouldn’t you die of embarrassment and shame if your mom were jailed as a thief? A bigger concern, though, is that she is teaching her kids through her actions that it is okay to steal and lie.
On my side of this, I shared with my kids, especially my daughter, what was going on. What kind of role model was I in letting this thing go? Plus, I really was as mad as heck, and I didn’t want this woman getting the benefits from my product by lying to me. So, with the information from a Mompreneur, I went to get my sample back! It was not about the money. I contacted people and shared information. Not only am I getting it back, I hope I have made it harder for her to scam again.
Life would be so simple if people just worked with honesty and decency. I’m still trying to understand this woman’s brain and trying to figure out how she as a mom and an entrepreneur can steal from other mom entrepreneurs with impunity. Maybe this is a lesson she learned from her mother?
June 24th, 2008
