My son came up to me with a distraught look in his face; he couldn’t find his new shoes. “I’ve looked everywhere and can’t find them!” he complained. Now, the good mom in me, the one that wants to solve all problems, almost stopped the activity I was engaged in and started to look for those lost shoes. But I have learned from experience, that as soon as I start looking for the lost article, my son stops looking. He tosses the lost item problem into my court and makes it my problem.
I stopped my first impusle, and I asked this question, “Where did you last have them?” I continued my work; he stood still, thought very hard, and he ran off. Next time I saw him, his new shoes were on his feet. He solved his own problem, which he should have; I got to finish my work. Next time, maybe he will be more responsible with his shoes. Next time he loses something, hopefully, he’ll take full responsibility for finding it.
Next bad parenting tip, Keeping the ball in their court: Homework.
August 25th, 2008
Randy Pausch passed away. It has really made me feel sad about the great loss to his family and the worldwide community. I watched his lecture and read his book. I did not see the professor in him, but the parent. He was leading by example; I admired his ability to set his childhood dreams and then fulfill them. I cry for the hopes that he had for his children to fulfill their dreams. Today, I am reflecting on if I’ve provided an environment for my kids so that they can live out their dreams.
I don’t know if I’m guilty of stifling my children in trying to prove that I’ve got “good” kids. Kids (especially teenagers) will do whacky and creative things; they are young enough not to be constricted by always thinking by the rules. But doing those things may mean they get in trouble, or worse, get hurt. The parent in me shuts down all activity that may be questionable.
Randy Pausch’s mom let him paint his room. There may have been other things she turned her head away from so that he could be creative. It is hard to find that fine line to walk behind being the responsible parent and one that encourages children to express themselves and their creativity. The ironic thing is that I think you will only figure out whether you have been successful at it when your influence as a parent is over.
August 5th, 2008
I’ve learned many things from my kids over the years. Here is a lesson I learned from my youngest son. When Kenji was about 3 years old, I read to him every night. Cat In The Hat, Go Dog Go, The Very Hungry Caterpillar….. He would pick the book and point to the page he wanted me to read. Very often, this became quite frustrating for me. At times, Kenji would stop me half way through a book and choose another book. He would skip pages and sometimes he would point to the right-hand page before the left-hand page, so I was reading the story backward.
As adults, we grow to be very goal-oriented, and to reach our goal we follow logical steps. I found that not being able to finish Cat In The Hat after starting was a bit unsettling. Reading stories backward and skipping pages made me anxious. I tried to plow ahead with the story, but he would block my moves.
Finally, I understood what was happening. Kenji was just having fun. He didn’t feel bound to read A,B, C…..Z. If he wanted to read A,B,S,K… he would do that. He was enjoying the moment, and did not even care if we finished the story. Sometimes, we adults would do well to just enjoy the journey, and not worry too much about the end.
kk
June 29th, 2008
I just got scammed this week. I lost one of my On Task On Time for Kids to a woman claiming to be a journalist writing an article about “Back-to-school Products.” As soon as I sent my sample, I was alerted on Mompreneursonline.com that this person was a fraud, and she “steals” from many mom-owned businesses asking for samples for a “photo shoot.” Of course there is no article; she just uses the products for her kids and home.
When it happened, I thought, “Well, I’m going to have to let it go and chalk it up to experience.” But after a day went by, I looked at it from a different point of view. We are all teachers and role models to our kids. Of all the jobs we hold in life, this is the biggest and most important. The messages on the Mompreneursonline community expressed so much concern for this con artist’s kids. What kind of role model was she? As an eight year old child, wouldn’t you die of embarrassment and shame if your mom were jailed as a thief? A bigger concern, though, is that she is teaching her kids through her actions that it is okay to steal and lie.
On my side of this, I shared with my kids, especially my daughter, what was going on. What kind of role model was I in letting this thing go? Plus, I really was as mad as heck, and I didn’t want this woman getting the benefits from my product by lying to me. So, with the information from a Mompreneur, I went to get my sample back! It was not about the money. I contacted people and shared information. Not only am I getting it back, I hope I have made it harder for her to scam again.
Life would be so simple if people just worked with honesty and decency. I’m still trying to understand this woman’s brain and trying to figure out how she as a mom and an entrepreneur can steal from other mom entrepreneurs with impunity. Maybe this is a lesson she learned from her mother?
June 24th, 2008